A Goddess from the Cult of Beautiful Pain (scarlite) wrote in living_canvas,
A Goddess from the Cult of Beautiful Pain

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No rest at all in freedom

Sometimes I wish I knew why it was so hard to hang on to dreams... Self condemnation gets in the way most times. It just seems so hard to live some days. Just to scrape by is a constant battle. Somedays I can't even do that it seems. I just fail at everything...

I joined this group because I felt I could relate to a lot of the posts I'd seen. It's been about a year since I cut or burned myself. The last time was after a bad fight with my now exfiance. I burned myself with my cigarette. That was the first and last time I did that. But I think about it sometimes... I just wish I had a sharper knife, dull knives aren't as fun... And I prefer blood to burns.

Several years ago when I was in a bad mental state, I'd pierce my ears to take my mind off the mental anguish. I now have 4 holes in each ear. Use to be 5, but a couple holes got infected because of where they were pierced.

I try really hard not to let anything bother me, but somedays everything bothers me. And I just can't do it all by myself you know? I look forward to meeting you all and I'm glad I found this community.
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