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Create Art In Your Skin

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[22 Dec 2005|03:46am]
Photography, may be triggeringCollapse )
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[01 Sep 2005|10:12am]
Yesterday fucking sucked.

My boyfriend got a call from his ex, saying that he's a daddy. So he's going for paternity tests.

And my boss was being royally bitchy.

And my dad was no better.


anyone like gamesCollapse )

Yeah.. lots I know.

Have a good day, all!

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[19 Aug 2005|01:22pm]

I didn't really know what to post, so I thought I'd just fill in this survery that someone else posted :x
survey thingCollapse )
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Pictures - Numerous and Triggering. [17 Aug 2005|10:25am]
So yesterday I had an appointment with my Psych.

My mom wanted to mention I'd starting SI again, and I was like:

"Mom, I have no intention of giving it up. I enjoy it. So people can tell me to stop but I'm not going to. I like it. And you don't know the first thing about Self-Injury so shut up."

My mother proceeded to give me a look that said, clear as day, "Yes, I do. So you shut up."

And I just... gaped at her.

"I used to cut too, Eastyn."


"When I found out you're a cutter, I told your father that you could never ever know I used to do it."

How could she not tell me? Christ, if she had told me it could have been so fucking different. Everything would have been different... better even. And she hid this from me.

So last night, because of my horrible fucked up insane day, I had some fun before bed.

triggeringCollapse )

No pretty designs, just needed to bleed.

Yeah yeah I know there's a lot. Oh well. I enjoyed it.

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[10 Aug 2005|10:58am]

Two nights ago, my friend Misty died in a car accident.

Yesterday, my father went into cardiac arrest.

Last night, I did this.
lotsa pics

Read more...Collapse )

So yeah. This week has sucked beyond sucking.


X-posted to 1 community.
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|shy wave| [20 Jun 2005|12:44am]

[ mood | i found a box ]

Open Sesame *flourish*Collapse )
Jennifer.needs.friends...badCollapse )
that is all..:)

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new&questions [02 Apr 2005|04:03pm]
[ mood | just a little bit stoned ]

im dae ive been cutting since 4th grade (now in 8th) and i have ocd which just makes it all the better doesnt it? i do it mostly just to verify im still here and living through this hell not many ppl know but the few who do do it also i want to cut 11103 into my upper arm possibly side of thigh but im really wary of how to go about sketching in the 0 im afraid the middle will just like fall off. also how exactly do you burn if you do burn i want o try it cause i heard it leaves less scars and hurts continously but ive no idea how one girl said something about egg yolks but i didnt quite catch it help please also how old do you have to be in order to get a-deps?

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[15 Mar 2005|01:37pm]

i thought these would be good for this community. i don't often take pictures of my cutting but i thought these turned out really pretty so i thought i'd share
Read more...Collapse )
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Hi, I'm new... [29 Dec 2004|03:43pm]
[ mood | calm ]

Hi, my name's Michelle, I'm 15 years old, and have been cutting for about a year now. I also burn myself, along with taking too many pills sometimes. Though I've only been cutting for a year, I used to bruise myself, but at the time, I didn't know it was SI. I guess the summary of me would be that my brother beats me, has sexually abused me, as has my step-dad, my step-mom kicked me out of her house, so now I live with my mom, who isn't too happy about it, because she wants to live with my step-dad by herself (she does know what he did to me; she just picked him over me is all), and I have tried to commit suicide twice now. A few people know I cut, but the only ones who care are my bestfriend, Kathy, and my bf, Matt. They are my favorite people in the world and I would die for them (of course, I would die anyway, but you get the point). I just recently got with my bf; before he was a good friend of Kathy and mine (he still is) and is/was helping us to stop cutting. He doesn't know about my other forms of SI; and I'm scared of him finding out. Anyway, I have tried in the past to stop cutting, but have never stopped, and once when I counted some of my new cuts, they number 176. When I first started cutting, I used razors, but then I moved on to boxcutters, and now I use shaving razors (I split the shaver apart to get to the razor...and the razor is paper thin; I haven't found anything that cuts better than a shaving razor). I cut on my left arm and legs, and ocassionly my stomach; which is why I never where shorts because I swear my legs are more scar than skin...and that's me. Hello there.

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I'm new here... [29 Dec 2004|06:49am]

my short story... one day, 9 months ago I woke up with little cuts on my forearms and neck... to drunk to remember. they took all my knives and swords away.

it happened again....

it happened again...

then it started happening when I was sober, this time, they were words and I knew why

picturesCollapse )

Hope ya enjoy...
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Look at all the scars you left upon my skin. [17 Dec 2004|05:21pm]

[ mood | tired ]

I don't know why I keep feeling the way I do. All I want to do is break down and cry. I'm sick of the mess I made. I've been cutting for two years. I didn't tell anyone until a year ago. I tried stopping and thought I was done. But I couldn't help it. I got into a fight with my boyfriend (at the time). He told me how he was going to kill himself because of me. Since then I've tried so many times to stop. I can't help it. I don't know why. I thought I could get by. So I started on the pills. I would take as many as 20 a day just to get by. I'm slowing cutting down, but I've started up on cutting once again. I have 32 new marks on my skin now from last night. I'm sick of the things people say. I always said I wouldn't let it get to me. I don't know why I do though. I'm just sick of life and everything people do. I just keep breaking down, then I end up regretting why I did it, hating myself for doing it, then doing it again. It's like a cycle. That is non-ending. Well, I am out. </3

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Please just let me be left alone [21 Nov 2004|11:29pm]
[ mood | morose ]

All I've been wanting to do lately is cry. And for the past week and a half, that's all I've been doing. Every night before going to sleep I spend hours crying. I even started crying in class on Friday when I had to teach the class and when it came time for the class to say good things about me and my partner, they were all saying "Chancy was good. I don't think we can say anything good about Kim though." Then my brother started to take his anger for his g/f breaking up with him out on me. He was so agitated and irritable - kept yelling in a sort of way. All week my mom has been yelling at me and the only time I feel like I'm really worth something is when I drink coffee with my friend Rami - which I don't get to do often, talk to my Love, Andrew - which also doesn't get to happen often because he works round-the-clock shifts, or when I cut. I don't know why cutting helps me feel worth something, I think it has to do with being able to see my blood fall down my skin knowing its my own blood and my own arm. I promised my "sis" Lily (Andrew's sister) that I would try to stop. And I did, for about 2 months... But on Friday night I broke my promise to her, and others, 43 times over on my wrist, arms, shoulder, and chest. I feel like I'm becoming a living scar - nothing but a scar on this planet because I feel like nothing but a mistake. I was listening to a song called "Lies" by Evanescence where the lyrics say "You will never be strong enough, you will never be good enough, you were never concieved in love" and my mom has told me those a couple of times. And even if it isn't said out loud, it feels implied when she looks a me coldly or yells at me..

43 more mistakes on my body, 43 apoligies owed, and 43 times I wished I could have died that night. I'm almost crying now because I feel so worthless it seems. I'm looking at the SoBe bottle by the speakers and I'm wishing it were poison. Or perhaps that I could use the bottle to slash at myself even more. I don't feel like what's going on is normal for me, and my mom knows that I cut. She knows part of the reason is because she doesn't let me leave the house at all or even the yard unless its to go to school, my grandmaw's house, or a friend's house. She knows about the things my cousin Josh has done to make me cut but she hasn't done anything of any sort to stop him or to tell his mom. On Tuesday she grabbed me by my neck with a huge grin after tracing my jawline. It scared the hell out of me when she placed her other hand on the back of my neck and squeezed both her hands together. All I want to get away from here. If my tears were blood I would have bled to death Saturday night if not one of the nights before.

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[18 Nov 2004|09:21pm]

[ mood | gloomy ]

I'm new to this community. My name is Marlena and i'm 16 years old and i have been cutting myself ever since i was 14.

About 1 month ago i had to be taken to the hospital because of my cutting. I cut myself a little to deep and it wouldn't stop bleeding. My mom just freaked out on me and called my aunt and next thing i knew i was in the emergency room.....i almost got put in an impatient rehab but no beds were currently open in the area i live by....thank god.

I haven't cut myself since then.....i really want to though.....its hurts to not hurt....i don't know if anyone understands that but it just does. I need to see my blood flowing over my arms. But i am currently in an outpatient rehab and they told me if i cut myself again they will send me into an impatient and hell no do i wanna do that. I keep thinking about ways i could hide it but they pretty much do a body search on me. They said that cutting can be addictive because of the adrenalen rush you get from it.....i don't know....i guess i agree to some point.

When i started cutting i basically would just scratch myself really bad. Like not much blood would come out just just enough for me at the time. Then i needed more i just needed more pain....then i found box cutters and started to use those like 2 months after i started cutting. I loved them, seeing an unopened container of box cutters was like seeing god for me. They cut really deep and made it so i would bleed a lot.

I have so many dreams about cutting its not even funny. I would just see red blood running over my pale skin as i just would lay there.

I would post pictures of my scared up arm but i don't have a digital camera. But no seriously my arm is so bad because for so long i would cut myself really deep. I have scars all over my arms and thighs....i'm kind of emabarresed to wear short sleeves or short skirts in fear someone would see them. I'm more comfy with it now because they have been there for so long and i know they aren't going away.

Well thats all i'm gonna post tonight.....if anyone has any comment please leave them.

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[25 Sep 2004|03:10pm]

[ mood | sad ]

ok so i just took some pix with my cruddy digital camera. they r of my wrist.. so yeah...

-:- Pictures...Collapse )

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ahhh!! [18 Sep 2004|08:50am]

[ mood | curious ]

Ok. So im not aloud to cut for a lil while cause my sister dosnt want me to, but i love her. I'm glad shes not letting me for a lil while. But any ways. My cuts lately have been like scratches, and I wanna know if you guys have any ideas on how i can make them deeper. So if u have any please help me. Thank you =)


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No rest at all in freedom [10 Aug 2004|01:25am]

[ mood | bored ]

Sometimes I wish I knew why it was so hard to hang on to dreams... Self condemnation gets in the way most times. It just seems so hard to live some days. Just to scrape by is a constant battle. Somedays I can't even do that it seems. I just fail at everything...

I joined this group because I felt I could relate to a lot of the posts I'd seen. It's been about a year since I cut or burned myself. The last time was after a bad fight with my now exfiance. I burned myself with my cigarette. That was the first and last time I did that. But I think about it sometimes... I just wish I had a sharper knife, dull knives aren't as fun... And I prefer blood to burns.

Several years ago when I was in a bad mental state, I'd pierce my ears to take my mind off the mental anguish. I now have 4 holes in each ear. Use to be 5, but a couple holes got infected because of where they were pierced.

I try really hard not to let anything bother me, but somedays everything bothers me. And I just can't do it all by myself you know? I look forward to meeting you all and I'm glad I found this community.

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[08 Aug 2004|02:14am]
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New to community [03 Aug 2004|01:15pm]
[ mood | scared ]

Hiyaz. My name is Kimmy and I'm 16. I often cut, and have been for 6 years. The only ones who know about my scars and their cause are the closest of my friends and a couple of strangers. I have suicidal tendencies and thoughts but I haven't suceeded yet (obviously - unfortunately). I don't know how many people would really be interested in my past or rpesent but if you are, feel free to ask. Any advice from those who may be interested is welcome. So um..yea..Hi.

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[27 Jul 2004|04:39pm]

are there any girls/women here that constantly compare their bodies/apperances to everyone elses?

I hate my body my face, everything about my physical apperance. Iknow everyone on here thinks im pretty, but i think i am horrible UGLY. It makes me so fucking depressed and in need to CUT,or BURN to see myself and my fat body in the mirror.!!!!

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1 week down [27 Jul 2004|02:19pm]
[ mood | calm ]

I haven't posted anything in here for a while.I haven't cut for over a week,yesterday got hard,when I came home to find out my Father had taken it upon himself to take my dog to the pound.After a few hours of silence I cleaned the basement.I have found that nearly every Friday something happens to make me want to cut so bad,I refrained this Friday.Hope I can go longer(Power to me!)
Can I learn to love myself?Is that easy or am I just going to end up even more depressed because I can't?(Sigh)

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